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The
Blonde Year In Review
January
- Took her new scarf back to the store
because it was too tight.
February
- Couldn't work in a pharmacy because
the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.
March
- Got excited when she finished a jigsaw
puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4
years."
April
- Was trapped on an escalator for hours
when the power went out.
May
- Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets.
June
- Couldn't learn to water ski because she
couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
- After losing in a breast stroke swimming
competition, complained to the judges that the
other swimmers were using their arms.
August
- Told her blonde friend to hurry when
trying to get into their locked car using a coat
hanger because it was starting to rain and the top
was down.
September
- When asked what the capital of
California was: answered "C."
October
- Hates M &M's because they are so hard
to peel.
November
- Baked a turkey for 4 days because the
instructions said 1 hour per pound and she
weighed 120.
December
- Couldn't call 911 because there was no
"11" on any phone.
A
young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that
her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible,"
says the doctor. "Show me."
She
takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She
pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere
she touches makes her scream.
The
doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No,"
she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I
thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is
broken
Q:
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q:
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q:
How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q:
What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q:
What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh
well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q:
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T
WALK".
Q:
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q:
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q:
Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q:
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was
a Porsche.
Q:
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
blown around too much.
Q:
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q:
How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and
W?"
Q:
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q:
Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q:
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q:
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q:
What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
Q:
What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q:
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q:
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q:
What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q:
Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.
Q:
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q:
Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q:
Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q:
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q:
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still
stuck.
Q:
When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q:
What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q:
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
air?
A: She missed.
Q:
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q:
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q:
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen
to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q:
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q:
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her
arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get
that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q:
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q:
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q:
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q:
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q:
What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q:
What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q:
Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Q:
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night ! |
